'Psychiatrists say girls tend to marry men like their fathers. That is probably the reason why mothers cry at weddings.'
Have you ever looked at your boyfriend or husband and realized he just did or said something exactly like your father? And then you break out into a cold sweat? Or you become completely dumbfounded? Or both?
This first happened to me several years ago. I'd always heard the old saying that women tend to marry men like their fathers, but I had never really put a lot of thought into that. On the surface, it would seem Ralph and my father are complete opposites.
To preface the story a little bit, my father was always a huge fan of the original 'Smokey and the Bandit' movie. I've seen it dozens of times myself, just from repeatedly watching it as a kid with my dad. He knew the whole movie by heart, but would laugh out loud to it. Every. Single. Time. Like it was the first time he ever saw it. Especially all of Sheriff Buford T. Justice's lines. My dad thought it was hilarious every time the Sheriff called someone a 'sumbitch.'
So one day several years ago, Ralph was watching 'Smokey and the Bandit' by himself while I was roaming around the house doing stuff. And he was laughing hysterically at the lines. Loudly. And I stopped dead in my tracks with a case of deja vu. It was like listening to my father watch the movie! Mind you, Ralph has never even met my father (I know, it's odd, but my dad is in Norway, it's a long story).
So I started thinking about what else do the two of them have in common? More than I had realized! Of course, there are things about them that are very, very different. But on the other hand, they are both car guys. Both of them are extremely handy and can fix damn near anything. They love Jack Daniels Whiskey (alcohol is very expensive in Norway and we'd always get my dad a bottle of JD when we came to the States to visit). If my dad were American, it's very likely he'd be a borderline redneck. And we all know Ralph has redneck tendencies. Furthermore, both Ralph and my father laugh fairly loudly at random things they would watch on TV. Or movies they've seen a gazillion times. In addition to 'Smokey and the Bandit,' they both love Clint Eastwood movies. I don't know if it counts that they both snore insanely loud, but hey, there's that, too.
I read in an article that when you grow up with a certain type of person, you're attracted to that same type of person later in life because it feels comfortable. Whether you like it or not. And whether you're aware of it or not. And the more I think about it, yes, that's probably true in my case.
So I'd love to hear other stories and examples...anyone else feel the same way? Anyone else have the same kind of epiphany that I did?
I can start off by saying that I have married my Father. It's so weird how many things Duke and my Dad have in common. They share the same birthday and when I found that out I was a little taken back. I don't follow astronomy/astrology very closely, although I do believe I am very much a Gemini and that Duke and my dad are Libras in many ways.
ReplyDeleteHowever, it's not only their birthday but the fact that they both do the same thing with toothpicks. My dad, as long as I can remember, when we leave a restaurant, has a toothpick in the side of his mouth (kind of like a redneck would with a piece of straw or hay). I never thought much about it other than that was 'his' thing. But shortly after I started dating Duke I noticed he did the same thing. I have never asked why they do that. I guess it's because they aren't quite finished with the toothpick. Most people, I would think, use the pick to get out whatever is bothering them and then toss it. But not these 2. They hold onto them for long periods of time. Even having to remove the picks to give me a kiss. I remember this so vividly as a little girl that my dad would remove it to give me a good night kiss and on so many occasions Duke has had to do the same.
**I have to split my post because apparently I wrote too many words. This is something that would NEVER happen to either Duke or my Dad**
Then there's the whole pessimistic thinking. Duke and my Dad are always "the glass is half empty" guys. I am more of a realist or optimist mostly. So the difference in thinking is compounded by the fact that we are opposites in this matter. Duke and my dad ALWAYS think they are going to get screwed. My dad does so much research when purchasing things so that he gets THE BEST POSSIBLE deal on THE BEST product. Before computers my dad would read consumer reports over and over and over after viewing the products in person and holding them in his hands. It sometimes takes my dad an unusual amount of time to make what should seemingly be a quick decision. It took him almost 2 months to decide on tile and granite for their new kitchen. Yes, 2 months, and this was after computers and researching availability. I attribute this to the reason my Mom and I are compulsive buyers, rarely looking at price tags. If we like it, we buy it. I'm not going to go to 5 stores and "see" if its cheaper or if there is anything better. I got off track. Anyways, point being they both think they are getting screwed all the time. They are always in the wrong lane at the store or in the car. Now, we all know this isn't true but they never point out when they are in the right lane so they announce when they are in the wrong lane and how they are getting screwed again and can never win. They both will have some sort of big purchase break down or not work properly and they are THE ONLY 2 PEOPLE ON THE PLANET THAT THIS HAPPENS TO. LOL. Of course, we all know that things just happen and whatever, take it back or call a tech but you are not the only human on the planet that had to have their refrigerator serviced less than 2 months after they bought it. You would think so the way they talk.
ReplyDeleteI'll finish up with their love for food. This is where I have a bit of concern. My dad loves loves loves food. Ever since he has had knee issues and can't bowl or golf like he once use to he has limited things in his life that he enjoys doing. Going out to eat for 1-3 meals every day is one of them. With that being said he is never (I have finally realized this) going to get his weight under control. He doesn't get to do too many things that he enjoys anymore so if eating out is what gives him a smile on his face then let it be. Lord knows my Mom has fought with him for years about it. My fear is that I can see Duke travelling this same path. And coincidentally enough, on the 4th of July he took a really bad spill on his bike which has left him with some serious knee issues we are going to dive further into this year. Even though I joked about Duke being more like my Dad when he was using the cane for the month after his injury it really shook me because I can see that being the injury that 'comes back' later in life to cause some real issue. And then I'm going to have a husband that does the same thing with food as my Dad does.
I could go on and on and you've given me such a great idea to start a little book of my own to share with Kennedy and to remember some of the things that just happen day to day when I look at Duke and say "ok Wayne".